Not Rejected

Rejection comes in different voices, but it rarely tells the whole story. 

Sometimes it sounds like, “We have decided to move forward with another candidate.” Other times it sounds like, “I don’t think we’re a good fit.” Coming through a phone call, an email, a closed door, or even silence. 

Whatever form it takes, rejection has a unique ability to shake the heart, collapse confidence, magnify disappointment, and leave us questioning things we thought were certain. 

As believers, the sting can feel even sharper. We involved God in the process, prayed, fasted, and trusted, so when rejection arrives, we find ourselves wondering how the outcome fits with everything we believed God was doing. 

Questions begin to swirl. 
Did God not hear me? 
Did I not do enough? 
Where did everything go wrong? 

This was my experience facing rejection a couple of years ago.

I remember confirming my identity when the phone call came in. Then there was a pause, a shift in tone, and in that moment, I knew what was about to hit me. My anticipation was crushed; my investments, burnt to shreds (or so I thought). I tried to stay positive, but when the call ended, I dropped into a state of shock for what felt like ten seconds or ten minutes.  Then the tears came. My heart hurt, there was a bitter taste in my mouth, and I desperately needed a hug. I tried praying, but kept breaking down. I didn’t feel connected, and, dare I say, I felt slightly betrayed, angry, and very, very sad. At that moment, my emotions felt louder than my faith. Feeling discouraged, I called my mum and found comfort and a reminder of who God is. Two more calls followed from close friends, which served as a good reminder that I was not alone. 

This event did a double on me as I had never faced anything like it as of then. Things had always worked out when I put in the right preparation and actively walked with God. What made it more painful was that I had told others I was confident God was going to do it, so the only one who could resolve this heartbreaking dilemma was God Himself. 

Before I fully took it to Him, I indulged in ice cream, good food, and K-dramas. I had been squeezed bare and needed to detach. But waves of disappointment kept coming, and I finally did what I should have done. I ran into the arms of my Father, needing His comfort and assurance that I would be okay. 

In my quest for more of Him, I opened YouTube, and I was instantly met with Stephanie Ike’s message, Rejected for a Purpose. This became a core part of my healing journey, which took some time. My heart feared trying again after all, once bitten, twice shy. God quickly intervened with a word from the song He’s Able

“Don’t give up on God, because He won’t give up on you. He’s able.” 

That line became my phrase for the year. When the enemy’s darts were thrown, my helmet was on, guarding my mind from simulations of what wasn’t. 

How often in life do we face rejection? 

From the friend group that never quite lets us in. 
From family members whose approval we desperately want. 
From the school we worked tirelessly to get into. 
From the job we believed was perfect. 
From the contract we spent weeks preparing for. 
From relationships we thought would last. 

Life constantly reminds us that there are decision-makers and decision-receivers. On the receiving end, it can be difficult when the receipt has “rejected” stamped across it. Mix in three cups of preparation, two teaspoons of trust in God, and a heavy pour of fear-ridden prayers, stir it all together in faith and still, somehow, the outcome comes out skewed. (Well, with that recipe, of course it would, but you get the gist)

It begs a question. Perhaps one you ask yourself. Perhaps you ask God. 

If my belief in God is shaken by this rejection, was my foundation shakier than I realized? 

Rejection in itself is fertile ground for the enemy to launch attacks against the mind. Doubt arrives, shame creeps in, anger sometimes follows, and comparison shows up uninvited with insecurity close behind. The emotional ache begins to affect the body itself. Sleep is disturbed, the appetite changes, and motivation frankly disappears. 

As one would expect in life, that was not the only rejection I had faced. I had already tasted a few different flavours.

A couple of years after my grand debut, another rejection slid in. This one was different. As soon as I received the message, the Lord interrupted my thoughts with a simple reminder: 

“I am still good.” 
(More to come on that one. It deserves a post of its own.) 

After that, I mourned differently. I found myself telling everyone what had happened, tears and all, but the moment I got to what God said? The sadness did not stand a chance. Every single time, excitement won. The rejection had become secondary to the revelation.

The most recent rejection cut deeper. It hurt the very core of my being. Or so I thought (That’s the thing with emotions, valid but not always true). With tears in my eyes, I knelt on the floor and thanked the Lord. I was broken, yet being held together. In that moment, I could see God carrying the burden. The little piece I had chosen to hold onto was crushing me. That realization made me thankful that my Father had stepped in beside me and picked up the ninety-nine percent that was never mine to carry. When I finally handed Him my one percent, I felt free. 

Well, free-ish because if I’m being completely honest, there is probably still about 0.1% in my hands somewhere, probably hiding between my thumb and index finger. 
I am still learning to give Him everything, and I promise I’m learning to let go. 

Someone I deeply respect shared this verse with me from Psalm 107, where the psalmist writes:

Their soul abhorreth all manner of meat; and they draw near unto the gates of death.
Psalm 107:18 KJV

Sounds dramatic until you’re there. The verse captures something many of us experience during seasons of deep distress. The things that once brought delight no longer seem appealing. Whilst rejection may not literally bring us to the gates of death, it can certainly bring us to the gates of despair. Yet that is not where the Psalm ends.

Then they cry unto the LORD in their trouble, and he saveth them out of their distresses. He sent his word, and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions. Oh that men would praise the LORD for his goodness, and for his wonderful works to the children of men! And let them sacrifice the sacrifices of thanksgiving, and declare his works with rejoicing.
Psalm 107:19-22 KJV 

The pattern moves from distress, to a cry, then deliverance and thanksgiving. Sadly, though true, there will probably be more rejections to come. 

A part of me is rejecting that statement even as I write this, yet in this moment, the words of Jesus come to mind: 

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world
John 16:33 KJV 

Many lessons come to mind from this experience.

Lesson 1 is the importance of separating one’s sense of self from the current outcome. 

The school rejected your application, but it did not diminish your value. The employer rejected your candidacy, but it did not change your identity. The opportunity closed its doors, but it did not determine your worth. 

Somewhere between receiving rejection and processing it, there is a temptation to merge your identity with the outcome. 

I didn’t get the opportunity quietly becomes I am not good enough.
The relationship didn’t work out becomes I am not lovable.
The school said no becomes I am not capable.

What began as an outcome then becomes a verdict you sentence yourself to. I believe this is one of the enemy’s favourite tricks. He will attempt to convince you that rejection is now your identity so you approach every future opportunity carrying yesterday’s disappointment as proof of tomorrow’s failure. 

The truth remains that the rejection belongs to the circumstance, not to you. 

By allowing the spirit of rejection to loom over you, you are going against the very core of the acceptance Christ has already offered. 

Ephesians 1:6 reminds us: 

To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved.

Have you been accepted into the Beloved? If yes, then this is your reminder that rejection has no authority to redefine you. 

The rejection was real, so was the pain. But real does not mean final. Nothing you felt in that moment is more real than the acceptance already secured for you in Christ, and that acceptance never asked the rejection for permission.

Lesson 2 was with regard to prayer.

I had prayed for God to automatically approve everything I had set out to do, rather than coming into agreement with what He wanted me to do. We often forget that praying for something does not automatically mean God has consented to the path we prayed for. Prayer is not the act of demanding things from Heaven. Prayer is agreeing with what Heaven is already demanding.

There is also the truth that an unanswered prayer can also be due to a needed fight. Sometimes the answer has been sent, and there is resistance in the way. Daniel was told, “but the prince of the kingdom of Persia withstood me one and twenty days” (Daniel 10:13, KJV). So prayer is not only the place where I align with God. It is also the place where I contend in faith, fight the good fight, and stand until what is mine in due season is made manifest.

Lesson 3 is the importance of surrounding oneself with community.

For those who are naturally caring, encouraging, and helpful, this can feel unfamiliar. It certainly did for me. I am usually the one checking in, making the call, and reminding people that God is faithful. Then suddenly, I was the one receiving “just checking in” messages daily from different people, almost as if they had coordinated it. People called, prayed and encouraged me when I did not feel strong enough to do so myself.

The same Word reminds us that “weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning” (Psalm 30:5, KJV).

Depression who? 

Humour aside, in such a season, it is the best time to reach out and connect with a trusted person to walk alongside you. If not brought to light, the emotions that accompany rejection can become fertile ground for bitterness, insecurity, resentment, and unbelief. Yet God wastes no pain. 

As Joseph declared: 

But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good.
Genesis 50:20 KJV

God has designed us for community, and some of the comfort He intends to give arrives through the voices, prayers, encouragement, and presence of other people. Sometimes you are the one helping to carry another’s burden, and other times you are the one being helped with a burden. A balance requiring humility.  

And if there truly is nobody available in that moment, if the room feels empty and the silence feels too loud, run to the Holy Spirit.
 
The Comforter still comforts and the Helper still helps. 

And remember to grieve, even as believers, we are well entitled to grieve, not away from God but with God. 

Too often, we put on a performance when he asked for honesty.  Bring Him the tears, the disappointment, the confusion, the frustration, and the questions. Bring Him the parts of yourself that feel embarrassed, angry, weary, and uncertain. 

We do grieve, we simply do not grieve as those who have no hope.  

You may not have words, but He understands tears. My mum once said, “It hurts me to know you are hurting, how much more God?” You may not have strength, yet He is your strength. You may not have clarity, yet He remains faithful. 

The stone which the builders rejected, the same is become the head of the corner

Luke 20:17 KJV

Know that our Saviour Himself is familiar with this feeling, and it was not the end of His story. What looked like defeat became victory. What looked like loss became redemption. What looked like death produced life.

In the same way, this rejection is not the end of your story. Your Shepherd is the Good Shepherd, so you are in good hands if you obey His voice and heed His commands.

You remain in His books: Not Rejected